Help your Aspie get over some shit

Happy Halloween. No more horror stories about the ASD partner who settles into a well-worn rut, vegetating, going through the motions, flatlining. Perhaps all this (exhaustion?) comes from a need to eliminate distractions due to sensory overload. But if you don’t ask your partner if he has fireworks shooting off multiple tracks inside his head […]

Decisional speeds

Since we’ve been back from our break M and I are running into solutions faster than I can keep track, which should make for shorter posts, hooray. This is going to involve boundary-setting to relieve bickering over mundane day to day dumb stuff. I can’t find any research on how decision speeds impact relationships yet […]

Shear Barbarism

ARE YOU SASSING ME? The other day my man told me he’d appreciate it if I responded to his perseverating, irksome questions in a clear, plain, factual manner. Suddenly he wants the acoustic Dylan. We’re together five years I’m just now hearing this. Honey, I’ve been electric from day one. Don’t look back. But, he […]

Fitter, Slappier

Someone on farcebook just told me I had an axe to grind because I defy the typical fucked up way we’re told to interact with an Aspie. I am aware of no other counseling module that routinely shames women into codependency the way ASD/NT coaches do. We’re taught to manipulate our partners and attempt to […]


I favor it, but not this one, ok? This wrangle about masking and unmasking has given me the yips to try my hand at untangling the spaghetti. Let’s begin by defining our terms. We need tight, narrow definitions — especially when the same word doesn’t mean the same thing in all situations. I boiled it […]

Nondisclosure Agreements

Few people walk us through these love affairs as they are going horribly wrong. Therein lies the reason. They go wrong. Horribly. This is an evaluation. To assess your life then compare it to an ideal you fall short of is a good way to shame yourself into silence. We almost broke up this week. […]

Seventh rule of fight club

I don’t want to brag, but any relationship can become abusive. When that happens in neurodivergent households it’s kept hidden, maybe even from each other, maybe even from yourself. Interpersonal abuse is horrible but fixable. It’s the insidious secrecy guarding abusive patterns that spring up in NT/ASD pairings — that’s the real oppression. Secrecy creates […]

A Pause for the Cause

If I seem a unclear on the concept of Blackout Tuesday, running a video short by the rich, white, male Sultan of Scruples three days later you might be right. I get lost trying to follow and end up doing it my own way. I’m just looking for an audience. They say we neurodivergent couples […]

One of these days we’re gonna get organizized

The big furry error-corrector treated me to apple and goat cheese flatbread with candied walnuts that we polished off in our petty bourgeois adjustable Serta, a privilege of advancing age and pale skin. It was he who tossed off the idea that we watch a Scorsese classic he’s never ever seen that lives in my […]

Police on my back

Error-correcting: To reflexively derail a conversational partner’s train of thought to point out minor glitches of grammatical structure as if it were a virtue and not sheer, unchecked ill manners. A most unacceptable trait of ASD sure to engender tension in the home, which the generator is oblivious to causing. Look no further when seeking […]


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